For those who want to read the full article (though I purposely wrote it in a way that you could figure out the essentials):

GOSSIP HORROR: WEST ELITE ARCHIMEDES BROWN MISSING
Carriage horse found, man missing

4.PM, Montogomery – In a strange turn of events, the Western Elite and The Earful Darling Lord Archimedes Brown of Clintfield Village was confirmed missing after his exorbitant carriage horse, Monsieur, arrived this morning in the Brown Residence bringing nothing but ill news, a relieved family and a fantastic headline to grace our front page this evening.

Madame Brown reported to the police when discovered the patriach had not arrived for his usual lunch before sports. ‘He’s a horrid man and a horrid husband with excellent finances but if there was a subject he was loyal to, it was his afternoon routine.’

He was guest of Lord Abraham’s famous party yesterday evening; a social delight covered by The Earful in today’s morning paper. The Brookham Constabulary assumes that Lord Brown would depart using the Blackpool Trench, south of Clintfield, and as of this evening no body has been found, alive or dead.

Lord Archimedes Brown is famous for his outragerous temper – which we have recorded numerous times- and his many businesses doomed to failure, leading us along an interesting journey of hot-headedness and monetary debt of those foolish enough to borrow.